The difficulty of rest

I find myself having a hard time blocking out everything, resting without progression, sitting at the feet of Christ without worrying about what dishes need to get cleaned in the kitchen. Last night in a series of thoughts (none of them completely finished) I found myself in the kitchen again so to speak.

"Will I ever get married? Ooh, I should use the relationships angle from the Shack for my article to the Student Youth Ministry journal. How much playdoh do I need to buy for the Wyldlife camp in January? Should I talk about Zacheaus for the whole weekend?" My thoughts pretty much run like this at 2am on a regular basis. It may be why I'm so tired all the time.

But when I catch myself I have to force a deep breath. Having dial-up internet service, no cell phone coverage, and no stores to shop at have all helped me slow down some. It's amazing how many distractions we face at any given moment. There are few errands to run; few "things to do" for the day. Today my goal is to read and write. That's it. Read and write. But guilt sets in and I fight myself to be okay that I won't accomplish much in the day and I will probably gain some weight to boot. Sitting around and just "being" is tough.