Part of my reason for writing today is that I was overwhelmed with an all too familiar feeling lately. I am a person who needs to know what the plan is. I need to have a plan for my day, my week, my year. I need to know what to expect so I can be emotionally prepared, mentally ready, and physically up for the task. A lot of my stress is due to things that come up unplanned. I am not a spontaneous person obviously. In fact spontaneous people with no plans who like to live by the seat of their pants bug me. It's not that it's wrong, it's just so opposite of who I am I can't comprehend living that way.
Although the freewheeling folks bug me (I apologize if it's you and I'm being offensive but I'm about to redeem the statement), I realize that I have a lot to learn from them as well. Life is not something that can stay within the boundaries of a plan. As the bumper sticker goes S*** happens. It's a harsh way to speak of a harsh reality.
I'm sitting in my room/office today thinking about how I don't know what the plan is for my life at this very moment. The next few months are a guess to me. The economy has crashed before it was even official and non-profits and ministries around me are closing up shop or laying off people. Many of my friends are going to work wondering if they will be handed the pink slip that day. This is not a time for certainty for much of our nation.
I find myself trying to live with an open hand. By open hand I mean living without holding on to what I think, what I want, what I fear. If my hand is open then God can take my hand and lead me. If it's closed, there's not much room for me to receive anything from God. Worrying is easy, living with an open hand... that's tough.
It brings me to Oswald Chambers. April 29 is my favorite date in "My Utmost for His Highest" because it speaks to the uptight planner in me. Chambers writes, "Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life -- gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, no knowing what tomorrow may bring...A soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises... The Spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, just uncertain of what He is going to do next... Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in-- but you can be certain that He will come. Remain faithful to Him."
