I am now back in San Francisco. My heater is turned up to 75 and I'm still freezing. The weather is foggy and sad here, but it doesn't matter as I haven't left my apartment except to hit the gym and work off all the fried coconut chicken I made in Molokai.
I imagined myself blogging every day for you my wonderful friends, but the dial-service from Mobettah.net (yes that's right) was not consistent and it was painfully slow. It was not mobettah. So now I will just have to recap my last week in Molokai the best I can.
I had about a day after Gina left and before Kimi arrived. The timing of their stay was perfect. Before Gina came I had been alone for two weeks and had enough of solitude. I always thought I'd make a great nun, but maybe not a silent one. When Kimi arrived it was a whole new experience. To Gina I am her "ate" (pronounced ah-teh). It means older sister. That's how we relate to each other. She doesn't call me Joyce, she calls me "ate". She knows I will take care of her and look out for her just as any older sister would. It's a relationship I cherish and love.
With Kimi it's different. We've been friends for about 12 years now, ever since I started volunteering for Young Life. She knows me better than anyone. We have very different personalities, but it's nice to have someone push you and challenge the way you operate in the world. Since I moved to SF 2 years ago, we've had a tough time nurturing our friendship. This trip is exactly what we needed. From the very beginning we poured out to each other, cried, laughed, encouraged each other, prayed for and with each other. We've never spent that much time together and I am grateful that we did.
Much like taking kids to camp, there was a progression to my time in Molokai. The first two weeks was for me to settle down and just reacquaint myself with God. As I read through "The Shack" and "Through Painted Deserts" I was reminded of the kind of relationship He desires to have with us.
The third week with Gina and our new friends had me think about who I was in relationship to others. Did I mention that? We made friends with a group of Mormon guys from Oahu who were working on the roofs on the property. I learned to appreciate people in a new way. I love the way Gina can captivate boys just by being who she is. I love the way Nephi smiles when he plays guitar. I love the way Mana smiles full of content and happiness. I love how humble and down to earth Paulo is although he's a UFC fighter and really not too bad looking. I love how Dara tries so hard to be liked even though he's very likable without trying. I was enjoying every moment spent together on the lanai singing along with the ukulele and guitar.
The fourth week was where it all came together. I was sitting in the condo looking at a palm tree swaying in the strong trade winds. I thought about how much I appreciated that palm tree. Then I thought about how Kimi and I drove to the other end of the island where the road ends and spills into Halawa Bay. It was the most beautiful place I have every seen. There were lush mountains with waterfalls hugging a bay that looked like it was built by a resort. But there were only two small houses there and no resort in sight. I felt like God was saying, "Joyce, I made this for you to you enjoy".
Then I thought about all the things I was enjoying. I loved the geckos that would stress me out a night with their scurrying and clicking sounds. I loved that "Aunty Betsy" came by with papayas and that the boys often came with fish they had just caught or coconuts they had just picked. I loved the solitude of Kepohi beach where I can sing at the top of my lungs and no one will hear. I love walking along the lava rocks as the waves crash into them. I love the little red headed cardinal that sits on my chair as I read and journal. I loved that some seals came to sun themselves for a couple days and let me take pictures of them. I love the drives into town with nothing but rolling green and red volcano dirt. I love getting to know our new friends and learning how to speak pidgin and how to play the ukulele. I love that I woke up with sun and the sound of birds at 7am (the birds start chirping at 6am though). All of it for me to enjoy.
I had been praying for a year that I could better receive God's love for me. In my appreciation I realized I was being loved and loving it! It was like falling in love for the first time. The blue of the ocean seemed bluer and the green of the grass seemed greener. The Hawaiian love songs were that much sweeter. I couldn't stop smiling because for the first time in a long time I know that I am loved. I can't really put into words the kind of revelation I experienced there, but it was something of a new awakening. I understood just a little bit more of the lavish love God pours out to us.
Kimi and I left Molokai very sad. I had developed an intense love for our new friends and of course the island. I didn't want the feeling to go away as concrete replaces sand and buildings replace palm trees. I didn't want to leave the place where God's love for me was so evident. We went to Waikiki where all the stores and attractions seemed meaningless. The streets were jammed with tourists and it seemed that they were all oblivious to the beauty of creation beyond the souvenir stores and the Cheesecake Factory. I had seen God's glory on the mountain and was now back with people dancing around man made idols.
I still have a month left of this sabbatical. How do I take all that I experienced and learned into my everyday life? I don't know. I do know that God is the same here in SF as He is in Molokai and I just need to keep my eyes open.
